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Posts: 2010
Joined: 21 January 2010
Location: 54 Canal Street
Oct 14, 2010 20:41
Paddy rings an ambulance for his mate Mick.
"Come quick, my mate Mick is hurt and needs help fast!"
The operator tells Paddy to calm down and asks where he's at?
"104 Eucalyptus Boulevard" says Paddy.
"Can you spell that please" says the operator.
The line goes quiet and the operator says "Hello sir, are you still there?"
A couple of minutes later Paddy comes back on the line, "Right, I've just dragged him to 2 Oak Road!"
Posts: 2010
Joined: 21 January 2010
Location: 54 Canal Street
Oct 21, 2010 14:29
The recently announced Coalition Government cutbacks have already started to produce a 'couldn't care less' attitude amongst Local Authority employees!
I rang the Council today to see if I could have a skip outside my house?
The bloke on the other end of the phone said "Mate you can cartwheel round the whole f**cking block for all I care!"
Posts: 8685
Joined: 11 November 2009
Location: Born in The Gelderd End
Oct 21, 2010 19:46
I have a pet snail called Charlie, anyway he has become much slower these days so I decided to take his shell off as it was probably too heavy for him. He's just become more sluggish
Posts: 8685
Joined: 11 November 2009
Location: Born in The Gelderd End
Oct 22, 2010 10:27
Couple on their honeymoon undressing, groom removes his socks and the bride asks what's wrong with your feet your toes are all mangled ? I had tolio as a child, do you mean polio ? No he said I had tolio, the disease only affected my toes. He then takes off his trousers and the bride asks whats wrong with your knees there deformed ? As a child I had kneasles he said, do you mean measles, no kneasles, a strange illness that effected my knees. Groom then removes his under pants and the bride says don't tell me you had smallcox
Posts: 1201
Joined: 03 December 2009
Location: North and South of the border
Oct 22, 2010 14:26
Home
That Monkey Will Eat Anything
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, sits down and orders a drink. Shortly after, the monkey starts jumping all over the place and acting crazy. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them... grabs some sliced limes and eats them... then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" "No, what?" says the guy. "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me, he eats everything in sight. Quite an appetite. I'll pay for the cue ball and other things he ate." He the finishes his drink, pays the bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's back at the same bar again, monkey by his side as usual. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did?" "What this time?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures it first!"
Thanks for it.
