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Posts: 2009
Joined: 21 January 2010
Location: 54 Canal Street
Aug 15, 2011 09:38
An Asian fella has just moved in next door to me.
He has, apparently, travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled with bears and climbed the highest mountains!
It came as no surprise really, since his name is Bindair Dundat.
Posts: 1758
Joined: 17 February 2010
Location: Spain
Aug 20, 2011 10:13
Dont know if you noticed, and FYI, thats Michael Robinson commentating in his awful Spanish accent in that clip Bogdan...he´s a real star over here...
I have no idea why
Posts: 8682
Joined: 11 November 2009
Location: Born in The Gelderd End
Aug 23, 2011 12:27
I was in the public toilets and had just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi !, how are you ?" Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine". The voice said "So what are you up to ?". I said, "Just doing the same as you, sitting here !". From next door, "Can I come over?". Annoyed, I said " rather busy right now". The voice said, "Listen, i will have to call you back, there's an idiot next door answering all my questions".
Posts: 3705
Joined: 28 June 2010
Location: We all love a Mc D
Aug 23, 2011 15:51
NottinghamWhite
I was in the public toilets and had just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi !, how are you ?" Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine". The voice said "So what are you up to ?". I said, "Just doing the same as you, sitting here !". From next door, "Can I come over?". Annoyed, I said " rather busy right now". The voice said, "Listen, i will have to call you back, there's an idiot next door answering all my questions".
FPMSL!
I just typed this out on my phone and sent it out.
Posts: 2009
Joined: 21 January 2010
Location: 54 Canal Street
Aug 23, 2011 19:14
Just had this texted to me by a mate who's a blue Scouser.
Police in the Seychelles have recovered the arm of shark attack victim Ian Redmond.
It was identified by a tattoo on it that said "Liverpool for the league, 2011/12!".
In a statement the Police said "Not even a shark would swallow that!".
Posts: 420
Joined: 15 July 2009
Location: Dronfield
Aug 24, 2011 10:46
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.
I told them to Sod off -anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving.
Posts: 2009
Joined: 21 January 2010
Location: 54 Canal Street
Aug 25, 2011 10:12
A heart-warming lawyer's story!!
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind." "Thank you for taking all of us with you.
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. "You'll really love my place. "The grass is almost a foot high."
Posts: 2009
Joined: 21 January 2010
Location: 54 Canal Street
Aug 25, 2011 13:49
Helga's Diary of a trip on a Cruise Ship
DEAR DIARY - DAY 1 - All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting. Our local Red Hat chapter - The Late Bloomers decided on this "all-girls" trip. It will be my first one, - and I can't wait! --------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 2 - Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man. --------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 3 - At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck.. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive. ---------------------------------------------------------- DEAR DIARY - DAY 4 - Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband. --------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 5 - Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. Really is quite charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship... I was shocked. --------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 6 - Today I saved 2600 lives.
Twice.
