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Mother: Where are you goin Son? Son: I'm goin to meet a Girl.. Mother: Don't forget to wear a ....... you know Son: What??? Mother: You know a ....... Son: Do you mean a Condom? Mother: No, i mean a hat you ginger haired t**t!!!
I had a bet on three horses yesterday... "Sunlight", "Moonshine" and "Good Times"
None of them won..... I blame it on the Bookie
hehe Bookie joke Only fair i return with a Girlie joke.
Just got back from Thailand and came so close to sleeping with a Ladyboy!
Looked like a Lady, walked like a Lady, talked like a Lady even kissed like a Lady!!!
It wasnt until she drove us to her place and reversed into a parking place 1st time, i thought **** it must be a Guy!!!!!
Joined: 02 September 2011
Location: On the threshold of a dream
Apr 24, 2012 21:41
It was the night of Bexley heath under 12's Christmas charity event.
The guest speaker & star of the night was none other than David Beckham.
The eager crowd fell silent as David appeared on the stage, David thanked them & then introduced himself (as if he needed to) he opened his mouth & began his talk, "Well...they are tiny minty things, originally you could only get white ones but now they do orange ones & green on...." "Excuse me David" Said the MC in a fairly loud whisper.
"Yeah, what's up?" asked David"
The MC answered "You're supposed to be talking about Tactics"
Joined: 01 January 2012
Apr 26, 2012 22:37
Alex Ferguson drops Howard Webb for crucial derby match
Alex Ferguson has controversially dropped talismanic referee Howard Webb from Man Utd’s starting 12 for the crucial Premier League clash with Man City, and will instead hand a start to Andre Marriner.
Early reports indicated that crowd favourite Webb would line up for the league leaders, but news has now surfaced that Ferguson is to take a gamble on Marriner.
Marriner, who has only made 3 starts for Man Utd this season, is a surprise selection by Ferguson, given Webb’s ability to pull highly contentious decisions out of the bag in big matches.
“Webby has put in some great performances for us in the past, but I feel the expectation levels of supporters could be too much for him on this occasion,” revealed Ferguson.
“I might put him on the bench as an impact referee in case we need one of their players sending off or a penalty deep into stoppage time.”
The news of Marriner’s inclusion has left United fans miffed given Ferguson’s criticism of his performance in a 2-0 defeat to Liverpool in 2009.
“It doesn’t make any sense not to include Webbo,” said avid fan John Henderson, who has lived in Plymouth all his life and whose only connection with Manchester is that he once voted for Bez when he was on Celebrity Big Brother.
“In games like this you want your best performers on the pitch, and Webbsio pulling the strings is as good as going into the game with a two-nil lead.”
“I hope that Ferguson has seen something in Marriner in training that suggests he can rise to the occasion.”
“If City have still got eleven men on the pitch at half-time then I’ll be singing Webbsyio’s name.”
“I’ll be singing it at the TV, but rest assured that the wife will be left in no doubt about how angry I am.”
Joined: 21 January 2012
Location: El Hadji Dioufs lawyer
Apr 27, 2012 01:33
Old but related to Cheffy007 post
Monday 24 October 2011 by Spacey
Injuries to key referees cost us, claims Ferguson
After suffering their biggest home defeat since 1955, Sir Alex Ferguson has blamed his side’s humiliating 6-1 defeat by Man City on the Premier League’s inability to field a referee who is a Man Utd fan.
Speaking after the match, he blasted “They outplayed us in all areas of the pitch when the referee didn’t intervene.”
“There were times when they made us look stupid and yet the referee’s done nothing to protect us.”
“Their lad David Silva was a different class, but the ref’s blatantly allowed him to stay on the pitch.”
“It’s an absolute disgrace.”
Ferguson highlighted the absence of their talismanic decision maker, Howard Webb as a key factor in the outcome of the game.
“If Webbsy had been playing then Balotelli would have been sent off for blatantly getting into numerous goal-scoring positions,” Ferguson insisted.
Man City manager Roberto Mancini disagreed with Ferguson’s assessment of the referee’s performance and insisted that the scoreline didn’t flatter his team.
Joined: 21 January 2010
Location: 54 Canal Street
Apr 29, 2012 11:15
As the coffin is being lowered into the ground, at a Traffic Warden's funeral, a voice from the inside screams out "I'm not dead, I'm not dead, let me out!"
Upon hearing this, the vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air in through his gritted teeth and mutters "Too late pal, the paperwork's already done!"