The funny corner

[daib0]

Fantastic
I'm nicking that !

pleasure, mate!

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[Wigan White]

I See the value of Stirling has dropped overnight.


Bet City wish they hadn't bought him now.

[daib0]

Guardian


A Swedish footballer has hit out after being sent off for breaking wind during a match – with the referee accusing him of “deliberate provocation” and “unsportsmanlike behaviour”.

Adam Lindin Ljungkvist, who was playing at left-back in the match between Järna SK’s reserve team and Pershagen SK, was shown a second yellow card late on in what local media called “bizarre circumstances”.

“I had a bad stomach, so I simply let go,” the 25-year-old told Länstidningen Södertälje. “Then I received two yellow cards and then red. Yes, I was shocked, it’s the strangest thing I have ever experienced in football. I asked the referee, ‘What, am I not allowed to break wind a little?’ ‘No,’ he replied … I don’t get it but maybe he thought I farted in my hand and threw the fart at him. But I did not.”

Opposition striker Kristoffer Linde told the paper: “I was standing a good distance away but I heard the fart loud and clear. It’s the strangest thing I’ve seen on a pitch, and I’ve been playing football since I was eight years old.”

The referee, Dany Kako, confirmed that Ljungkvist had received the second yellow card for breaking wind, explaining: “I perceived it as deliberate provocation. He did it on purpose and it was inappropriate. Therefore, he received a yellow card.”

Ljungkvist told Aftonbladet: “To provoke anyone with a fart is not particularly smart or normal. It’s nonsense – I just broke wind and got a red card. I spoke to the referee afterwards, I was annoyed, but there were no bad words. I just said he was a buffoon.”

Kako said he had experienced similar incidents before. “Once there was a player who stood and peed next to the pitch. I showed him a yellow card, too.”

[SCOTTISH LEEDS]

With many predicting war with Russia following Brexit, the British Military have been reassessing their Nuclear options. Trident may be scrapped after all, as to maximise destruction of Russian assets all they need to do is put a warhead in a taxi and send it to Chelsea.

[daib0]

Men can’t win…..

Oh what a tangled language English is and how easy it is to misconstrue......

A man takes a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later they go on to a show.
The evening is a huge success and as he drops her at her door he says 'I have had a lovely time. You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful climbing rose. May I call on you tomorrow?'

She agrees and a date is made. The next night he knocks on her door and when she opens it she slaps him hard across the face.

He is stunned. 'What was that for?' he asked.

She said... I looked up "beautiful climbing rose" on Google last night and it said…..
"Best suited for rooting against a brick wall or fence, no good in an open bed."

[Billybell]

Bobby Charlton was asked how he thought the England team of '66 would have fared against Iceland. " I think we'd have won 1-0 " he replied.
"Only 1-0?" Said the reporter.
"Yes," said Bobby. "Most of us are in our 70's & 80's now!"

[Wigan White]

Viagra is now available in tea bags.

It doesn't however enhance your sexual performance, but it does stop your biscuit going soft.