The funny corner

[Get the kettle on]

I bought some c.d's some years ago and while i was at the counter paying, the alarm for the store doors had been going for quite some time.

The young woman serving me said something about the alarm just going on and on and on...

"I divorced someone like that", i said.

Laughing (a lot) the young woman replied, "That's awful".

[johnh]

The great philosopher Lao-Tzu said:

It is only when you see a mosquito land on your testicles that you realise that there are more ways to solve a problem than using violence.

[Mr Russell]

The great philosopher Lao-Tzu said:

It is only when you see a mosquito land on your testicles that you realise that there are more ways to solve a problem than using violence.

You wouldn't believe this but at work in our waiting room we have this exact saying

[johnh]

The polling companies who did the polls for the Election have completed a poll asking the public how well the polling companies did.
110% said that they did well.


Acknowledgements to Private Eye.

[Get the kettle on]

When i lived in Rothwell i had to go to varying hospitals for symptoms i had.

One time, i went to see a specialist at Killingbeck. He asked me varying questions one of which related to my sleep patterns. I really wasn't getting much sleep at all so answered accordingly.

His assistant (female) was sat next to him as he said, "So, you just lay there tossing?".

I was helpless with laughter and so was his assistant, he however did not get the joke...??? He wasn't from the U.K. which might have had something to do with it.

[Davycc]

I'm rubbish at French, I can't get past seven.... I think I have a huit allergy.

Due to another crazy EU law from next year premiership clubs won't sell you food with salt or pepper if you pay in at the gate... you'll have to be a seasoning ticket holder.

[daib0]

I'm rubbish at French, I can't get past seven.... I think I have a huit allergy.

Due to another crazy EU law from next year premiership clubs won't sell you food with salt or pepper if you pay in at the gate... you'll have to be a seasoning ticket holder.

Yep, and you'll be restricted at breakfast-time too! They say one egg is 'en-ough' (un-oeuf)

[daib0]

Steven Gerrard just checked in for his flight to America.

At the check in counter he produced a suitcase full of broken crockery, a bag full of socks with holes in and a Betamax video player.

"Do you really need all this," said the check in attendant.

"Yes," said Gerrard, "I'm used to carrying a load of useless baggage."

[daib0]

"I'm worried that those plants are artificial."

"They're not."

"Well that's a real leaf."

[daib0]