The funny corner

[Davycc]

My new girlfriend thinks I'm a bit of a stalker, well shes not actually my girlfriend yet!

Getting ready to go out for Valentines night my wife said "I think my backside looks big in this dress?"
"Yes it does!" I told her.
"Why can't you say something positive for a change?" she asked.
So I said, "well you eyesight's still good!"

[johnh]

Guy goes into a shop and asks for some flowers. The shop assistant says 'sorry, we are not a florist, we don't sell flowers. The guy says 'you have flowers in the window'. The assistant says 'we are a Vasectomy Clinic, what do you expect us to put in the window?'

[Sovietmule]

After a series of crimes in the Glasgow area, Chief Inspector McTavish has announced that he is looking for a man with one eye. If he doesn't find him, he's going to use both eyes.

[NottinghamWhite]

upload gambar online

[NottinghamWhite]

Keighley police are hunting a woman known as the knitting needle Nutter she has stabbed 16 people in the bum with a knitting needle in the last two days.
Chief inspector Malcolm Ballcock thinks she may be following some sort of pattern.

[johnh]

Which were the first two English newspapers to serialise 'A Tale of Two Cities'?

Answer: The Bicester Times and the Worcester Times.

[Davycc]

Billy and Mick were walking past the grave yard when Mick says "flippin hell Billy theres a fella here was 152 when he died!"
"What's his name?" asked Billy.
"152
Miles From London"

[Davycc]

I was in the chemist and I said to the assistant, “What gets rid of coronavirus?”
She said "Ammonia cleaner."
I said "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here...”

[NottinghamWhite]

I was attacked last night in the street by a bloke with a power tool, there I was just minding my own business then BOSCH!

[Sovietmule]

Neighbour of mine was taken to hospital today and, after some tests, he is being kept in. They say he poisoned himself while cooking his dinner. Apparently, what he thought was an onion he was chopping up for a salad turned out to be a tulip bulb.

He should be out in early spring.