The funny corner

The place to discuss anything that isn't football or LUFC
Deleted User 728

Re: The funny corner

Post by Deleted User 728 »

Brilliant ! I'm nicking that .. :D
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johnh
Bielsa's English Teacher
Posts: 8522
Joined: 24 Jan 2012, 15:26

Re: The funny corner

Post by johnh »

A Travel Agent had had a very profitable summer and seeing an elderley man and woman looking wistfully at the adverts in his window, he decided to offer them a free holiday. He asked them in and said that he would pay for a holiday in the South of France, 5 star hotel and plane tickets, everything paid for. A few weeks later the elderley lady came into the agency and thanked the Agent profusely and said 'I've just got one question, who was that old bugger I had to share a room with'.
I once played against Don Revie.
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SiMamu
LUFCTALK Moderator
Posts: 10996
Joined: 27 Mar 2012, 14:07

Re: The funny corner

Post by SiMamu »

Look who's popped up on 8 out of 10 cats tonight:
Image
"A man with new ideas is a madman. Until his ideas triumph."
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Aces
Don Revie's bingo caller
Posts: 6415
Joined: 04 Jun 2013, 19:10

Re: The funny corner

Post by Aces »

Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favourite sex positions. One said, "I think I enjoy the Rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy. "What is it ?"

"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and then mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'These feel just like your sister's.' "

Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds....
We are Leeds, we have to believe our new players are good enough, encourage and support them and help them grow in to a team to be reckoned with. MoT
Spiderman
Eddie Gray's leftorium proprietor
Posts: 892
Joined: 02 Sep 2011, 08:42

Re: The funny corner

Post by Spiderman »

So I've made a pack of cards, deal withit.

2 spring rolls +2 spring rolls = 5 spring rolls, Dim sum

Finally went to poundland, worst theme park I've ever visited.

Took my wife for a Chinese meal last night, she's never eaten Chinese before so I asked the waiter what he thought she would like, he replied "I bling house speciarity"
He returned 20 minutes later & put a large pot on the table, he told us not to touch it as it was still very hot.
After about five minutes my wife was just about to lift the lid when she let out a scream, "what's up?" I asked
" the lid just lifted & a pair of eyes were looking at me"
"Ah, he's brought you the Peking duck"
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PockWhite
Howard Wilkinson's military attaché
Posts: 5990
Joined: 21 Jan 2010, 17:30
Location: 54 Canal Street

Re: The funny corner

Post by PockWhite »

There's a nice offer on Amazon at the moment - if you buy all of Adam & The Ants sheet music, they'll throw in a stand & deliver.
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Looney4Leeds
George Graham's Crombie cleaner
Posts: 312
Joined: 02 Aug 2013, 10:15

Re: The funny corner

Post by Looney4Leeds »

This is brilliant!!

Link fixed. (+15)

KEEP CALM & MARCH ON TOGETHER!
Spiderman
Eddie Gray's leftorium proprietor
Posts: 892
Joined: 02 Sep 2011, 08:42

Re: The funny corner

Post by Spiderman »

Bought five litres of tippex, big mistake.

You're the guy who invented tippex, correct me if I'm wrong.
Spiderman
Eddie Gray's leftorium proprietor
Posts: 892
Joined: 02 Sep 2011, 08:42

What they really mean

Post by Spiderman »

When they say that investment is close what they actually mean is it is only 42 miles away at Bramall lane :D
ruisliptiger
Terry Venables's car dealer
Posts: 14
Joined: 30 Sep 2013, 22:47

Re: The funny corner

Post by ruisliptiger »

A woman got shot in the stomach whilst pregnant with triplets. Luckily she and the babies survived and recovered fine. However it was decided it was safer if they left the bullets. Well thankfully the birth goes off without a hitch and she has three Boys.

13 years later, one of them goes to the bathroom and returns and says "Mum, I had a poo and a bullet came out." She tells him the story, says not to worry and goes back to cleaning the house.

A few days later a second Boy comes up and says "Mum, I had a poo and a bullet came out." She tells him the story, says not to worry and goes back to peeling the spuds.

The following the third Boy comes up and said Mu- "Let me guess. You had a poo and a bullet came out?" "No" said the Boy. "I farted and I shot the dog."
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