The funny corner

[Davycc]

A bit risky

The owner of a hardware store is teaching his new young shop assistant how to sell to people more than they really want when a man walks in asking for a bag of lawn seed. The manager winks to the young lad, fetches a box of grass seeds and sets them on the counter then says , “Here you go sir, is there anything else you'd like?".
"Anything else, no I don't think so!" replies the man.
"But you will be wanting a lawn mower, too, right?” asks the store owner.
The man asks, “Why would I be?”
The owner, pointing to an expensive lawnmower replies, “Because that lawnmower is on sale now, half price it is, when the lawn seed grows, you’ll need something to cut the grass with and it'll be back full price by then!”
"you know that makes sense." says the man and he buys the mower.
"Is there anything else you'd like?" asks the owner again.
No I'm good." says the man.
The owner pips up, "But what about the cuttings, you'll need some bin bags to put them in, that grass is fast growing stuff and there will be tons of cuttings!"
"I guess you're right." says the customer and buys a box of bin bags. At that he pays up and leaves the shop.
"See said the owner, it's easy, just do as I did with the next customer ok!" Just then the shop door opens and in walks another man.
Hello sir,! says the boy. "What can I get you?"
"I need a box of Tampax please." says the man.
The boy fetches a box of Tampax and says, "here you go sir, is there anything else you'd like?"
The man replies "No that's all, what else would I need?"
Pointing to the shelf the boy says "Perhaps a lawnmower?"
The shocked man asks, “Why the f*&k would I want a lawnmower?"
The boy replies, “Well, your weekend’s f&*ked, so you might as well cut the grass!!!!!”

[yorkfan]

Now that lockdown's easing, I’ve had a painter and decorator round.

Interestingly, he’s a currently furloughed Virgin Atlantic pilot.

Made a lovely job of the landing.

[yorkfan]

Would anyone like some old copies of Osteopath Weekly?

I have back issues.

[cheffy007]

I’ve decided to never fly with BA again. Last time he was wandering around the airport shouting, “I ain’t getting on no plane fool”. Embarrassing.

[psquithy]

I just found out I am colour blind.

That came completely out of the green.

[psquithy]

A German chap saved my dog from drowning.

After he climbed out he handed me the dog and said: "here is ze dog, keep him warm and dry him off and he vill be fine".

I said: "are you a vet?". He replied:

"Vet?..im soaking.

[yorkfan]

Can one of the Forum Moderators please explain to me why my post was removed?

I’m really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over.

[NottinghamWhite]

Can one of the Forum Moderators please explain to me why my post was removed?

I’m really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over.

Nicked that.

[johnh]

Got a delivery of something wrapped in a mass of bubble wrap. Said to her indoors 'what shall I do with the bubble wrap?' She said 'pop it in the waste bin'. It took me ages.

[ChilwellWhite]

The Egyptian government has instructed its capital's taxi drivers to drive around sounding their car horns.
It's hoped that a return to familiar urban sounds will help restore calm following the pandemic.
Operation Toot 'n' Calm 'Em has now swung into action.