The funny corner

The place to discuss anything that isn't football or LUFC
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daib0
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 »

PockWhite wrote:
rigger wrote:Jesus, they're terrible.


Keep 'em coming, mate :D :D :D
Oh for goodness sake don't encourage him! :o :oops: :lol:
at least I'm not the only one! :lol:
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NottinghamWhite
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Re: The funny corner

Post by NottinghamWhite »

Just in Blackpool, saw a guy & woman shouting then fighting. A copper turned up but instead of calming things down he starts twatting the guy with a baton! The guy gets the baton and starts hitting the copper AND his wife! Then this crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages.
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NottinghamWhite
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Re: The funny corner

Post by NottinghamWhite »

Unbelievable, apparently DHL have now won the Cadburys contract just before Easter.
Problem is, which do they deliver first the chicken or the egg :roll:
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Deleted User 3289 »

NottinghamWhite wrote:Just in Blackpool, saw a guy & woman shouting then fighting. A copper turned up but instead of calming things down he starts twatting the guy with a baton! The guy gets the baton and starts hitting the copper AND his wife! Then this crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages.
That's the way to do it. :D
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daib0
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 »

The Banker

A hotshot London banker parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the kerb and rips off the car door, zooming off without stopping.
More than a little distraught, the banker grabs his mobile and calls the police.
Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: 'My Porsche! My beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!'
After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust. 'I can't believe how materialistic you bloody bankers are,' he says. 'You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life.'
'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?' sobs the Porsche owner.
The policeman replies, 'Didn't you realize that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you.'
The Londoner banker looks down in horror. ‘Oh no!' he screams... Where's my f**-- Rolex?"
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daib0
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Re: The funny corner

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Last night there was a talent show at our local club.
One of the entrants was a gorgeous blonde female ventriloquist. You don't see many female ventriloquists.
What was even more surprising was that she performed topless.
She was really good. I didn't see her lips move once...
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NottinghamWhite
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Re: The funny corner

Post by NottinghamWhite »

I jammed a scrabble tile into my Nerf gun & shot my brother at close range in the forehead knocking him out cold....
I didn't mean to though, I thought it was a blank.
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daib0
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Re: The funny corner

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My dear wife just failed the driving test. When the examiner asked: "what sign would you expect to see down a narrow country lane?" there was a big silence.
Then the reply back: ‘fresh farm eggs for sale’ - apparently that wasn’t the correct answer!
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johnh
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Re: The funny corner

Post by johnh »

I can remember when my mum could send me to the shops with a ten bob note and I would return with 2 loaves, 3 bottles of milk, bag of sugar, carton of tea, 12 rashers of bacon, block of butter, block of cheese and a bag of spuds. You can't do that these days - too many bloody security cameras.
I once played against Don Revie.
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Deleted User 496 »

Drunk guy walks into Wackers Pet shop in Parnell St, he's a little worse for wear and not much money on him.

Says to the shop assistant " I wanna buy a wasp for de wife"

Shop assistant looks at him disdainfully and replies "sir this is a pet shop we dont sell wasps"

Drunk replies "wha de f*** do you mean ders three in de window"
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