My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness.
I said, “No, we all seem to enjoy it”.
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator.
I thought growing old would take longer.
People who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable.
The funny corner
- NottinghamWhite
- LUFCTALK Admin
- Posts: 31307
- Joined: 11 Nov 2009, 10:10
Re: The funny corner
Breaking news Neymar signs for Newcastle United at the 12th hour of deadline day.
Neymar defenders, Neymar midfielders & Neymar forwards.
Neymar defenders, Neymar midfielders & Neymar forwards.
Winner of the Europa League
Re: The funny corner
Stealing that one!
- Wigan White
- Arthur Fairclough's milliner
- Posts: 2756
- Joined: 05 Aug 2011, 13:19
- Location: Wigan
Re: The funny corner
Sad news at the Nestlé factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than fifty feet and crushed him underneath.
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "the milky bar's are on me", everybody cheered.
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "the milky bar's are on me", everybody cheered.
Re: The funny corner
StolenWigan White wrote:Sad news at the Nestlé factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than fifty feet and crushed him underneath.
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "the milky bar's are on me", everybody cheered.
All at Amazon Books
The Funny Corner
When Santa Got Stuck Up The Chimney
The Thrones Murders
The Funny Corner
When Santa Got Stuck Up The Chimney
The Thrones Murders
Re: The funny corner
Ryanair announce a four hour delay to a flight. Guy goes up to the desk and asks why. Receptionist says that the pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine and it will take us four hours to find a pilot who can't hear it.
I once played against Don Revie.
- cheffy007
- Jimmy Armfield's cardigan knitter
- Posts: 1308
- Joined: 01 Jan 2012, 20:49
- Location: Too far south of God's own Country
Re: The funny corner
I spotted an albino Dalmation this morning, it was the least I could do for him.
For homemade pickles, chutneys and tomato ketchup, go to www.stuckinapickle.co.uk
- Wigan White
- Arthur Fairclough's milliner
- Posts: 2756
- Joined: 05 Aug 2011, 13:19
- Location: Wigan
Re: The funny corner
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
- NottinghamWhite
- LUFCTALK Admin
- Posts: 31307
- Joined: 11 Nov 2009, 10:10
Re: The funny corner
Bono and Edge walk into a bar. The barman says, "Not U2 again!"
Winner of the Europa League