LUFCTALK

PockWhite wrote:Just seen Michael J Fox at the garden centre.

Well I think it was him, he had his back to the fuchsia.

The Pope is in Liverpool handing out miracles & a kid comes up & asked "Can you help me with my hearing ?"
The Pope clasped his hands over the child's ears & says a prayer. At the end he asks "is it better? "
The child replies "I dunno it's not until Thursday"

Bloke hated his job as a waiter but at least it put food on the table.

Guy's wife wanted to spice up their sex life so suggested role reversals. Guy said 'it's my turn to say I've got a headache then'.

NottinghamWhite wrote:The Pope is in Liverpool handing out miracles & a kid comes up & asked "Can you help me with my hearing ?"
The Pope clasped his hands over the child's ears & says a prayer. At the end he asks "is it better? "
The child replies "I dunno it's not until Thursday"

I had to read that a couple of times then it hit me

My wife and I were happy for twenty years, then we met.

Mate of mine was filling his car up with petrol last week and spilt some on his sleeve.
Forgetting this on his long journey home he lit up a fag and accidently dropped some ash on his sleeve setting light to his arm.
Driving along with his arm out the window trying to put the fire out he was pulled over by the police.
He got knicked for illegal possession of a firearm!

Apparently the Liverpool boss has resigned as he "wants to take the family back to Germany".
That's right, the Klopps go back this weekend.

Norn Iron humour. John will appreciate this one

Davycc

There were five kids in our house when I was growing up. Never slept on my own 'till I got married.