The funny corner

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Re: The funny corner

Postby CorkWhite » 04 Nov 2018, 16:09

SENIOR SEX
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
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Re: The funny corner

Postby daib0 » 05 Nov 2018, 20:28

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Re: The funny corner

Postby johnh » 05 Dec 2018, 20:26

Bloke driving along picks up a hitch-hiker. After a few minutes the hitch-hiker says 'aren't you nervous about picking a hitch-hiker up, I could be a serial killer'? The bloke says 'nah, the odds of there being two serial killers in this car are astronomical'.
The ex-Prime Minister has been in our house.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby daib0 » 05 Dec 2018, 23:11

johnh wrote:Bloke driving along picks up a hitch-hiker. After a few minutes the hitch-hiker says 'aren't you nervous about picking a hitch-hiker up, I could be a serial killer'? The bloke says 'nah, the odds of there being two serial killers in this car are astronomical'.

:crazy: :D
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Re: The funny corner

Postby NottinghamWhite » 08 Dec 2018, 13:10

THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A YORKSHIRE WOMAN.
Three friends married women from different parts of the world.....
The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away....
.
The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table....
.
The third man married a girl from Yorkshire. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he urinates..
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Re: The funny corner

Postby ChilwellWhite » 10 Dec 2018, 10:19

I saw a dwarf convict climbing down the prison wall this morning. I thought to myself that's a little condescending.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby Davycc » 26 Dec 2018, 10:23

Fella rushes his limp parrot to the vets where the vet gives it a quick look over and says "I'm sorry, the bird is dead"
Distraught the fella asks for a second opinion.
"OK," says the vet and brings in a black cat who sniffs the parrot and then meows.
"There you go" says the vet " puss here says hes dead as well!"
"I'm not accepting that !" exclaims the fella "I wan't another opinion!"
At this the vet opens a cage and brings an old black Labrador over, it sniffs the parrot and then barks before returning to it's cage.
"I'm sorry but Rover says your parrot is dead too!" states the vet.
"Fair enough," groans the fella, "what do I owe you?"
"£650" answers the vet.
"WHAT!" exclaims the fella "how the hell is it so dear?"
"Well I would have charged you £50 but the CAT scan and the Lab tests are £300 each !"
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Re: The funny corner

Postby CorkWhite » 26 Dec 2018, 10:45

Davycc wrote:Fella rushes his limp parrot to the vets where the vet gives it a quick look over and says "I'm sorry, the bird is dead"
Distraught the fella asks for a second opinion.
"OK," says the vet and brings in a black cat who sniffs the parrot and then meows.
"There you go" says the vet " puss here says hes dead as well!"
"I'm not accepting that !" exclaims the fella "I wan't another opinion!"
At this the vet opens a cage and brings an old black Labrador over, it sniffs the parrot and then barks before returning to it's cage.
"I'm sorry but Rover says your parrot is dead too!" states the vet.
"Fair enough," groans the fella, "what do I owe you?"
"£650" answers the vet.
"WHAT!" exclaims the fella "how the hell is it so dear?"
"Well I would have charged you £50 but the CAT scan and the Lab tests are £300 each !"

:thumbup: very good.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby Wigan White » 05 Jan 2019, 11:24

NOT MENTIONING NAMES BUT ?
Sorry, I need to vent!!!! ???
I experienced the WORST customer service earlier today at a shop in town.
I don't want to mention the name of the shop because I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed. On Tuesday I bought something from this shop. I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn't work. So today, less than 48 hours later I took it back to the shop and asked if I could get a refund.
The girl in the shop told me “NO” even though I still had the receipt. I asked if I could get a replacement instead then. Again this person told me "NO."
I asked to talk to a manager now as I'm really not happy and I explained that I had bought the item, had got it home and it didn't work. The manager just smiled and told me to my face that I was "OUT OF LUCK." ???
No refund.
No FREE replacement.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I''ll tell you what...
I am NEVER buying another Lotto Ticket from there again !!
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Re: The funny corner

Postby daib0 » 05 Jan 2019, 12:22

Wigan White wrote:NOT MENTIONING NAMES BUT ?
Sorry, I need to vent!!!! ???
I experienced the WORST customer service earlier today at a shop in town.
I don't want to mention the name of the shop because I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed. On Tuesday I bought something from this shop. I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn't work. So today, less than 48 hours later I took it back to the shop and asked if I could get a refund.
The girl in the shop told me “NO” even though I still had the receipt. I asked if I could get a replacement instead then. Again this person told me "NO."
I asked to talk to a manager now as I'm really not happy and I explained that I had bought the item, had got it home and it didn't work. The manager just smiled and told me to my face that I was "OUT OF LUCK." ???
No refund.
No FREE replacement.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I''ll tell you what...
I am NEVER buying another Lotto Ticket from there again !!

:lol:
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