The funny corner

The place to discuss anything that isn't football or LUFC

Re: The funny corner

Postby NottinghamWhite » 06 Jan 2019, 11:14

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Re: The funny corner

Postby daib0 » 06 Jan 2019, 16:11

Talking about the amazing developments in health care of late -


A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so, so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."


The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in only 4 weeks he is looking for a job."


The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and you know, we're so strong that in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."


The American doctor laughs: "But you are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now... the whole country is going to have to look for a job!"
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Re: The funny corner

Postby PockWhite » 08 Jan 2019, 12:11

I'm planning to go on dragons den during 2019, with my modern glass coffin design.
Whether they like it or not remains to be seen.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby PockWhite » 08 Jan 2019, 12:12

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer ?
Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby Davycc » 17 Jan 2019, 19:24

A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own Clinic and puts a sign outside ;-
'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
An American Lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the Clinic.
Lawyer: 'I have lost my sense of Taste.'
Chinese: 'Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth.'
Lawyer: 'Ugh. this is Kerosene.'
Chinese: 'Congrats, your sense of Taste is restored. Give me $20 dolla.'
The annoyed Lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.
Lawyer: 'I have lost my Memory. I cannot remember anything.'
Chinese: 'Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.'
Lawyer (annoyed): 'This is Kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my Taste.'
Chinese: 'Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20 dolla.'
The fuming Lawyer pays him and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: 'My Eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all.'
Chinese: 'Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100 dolla.'
Lawyer (staring at the note): 'But this is $20, not $100"...
Chinese: 'Congrats muddafucka, your Eyesight is restored. Give me another $20 dolla'
This is what makes you champions, you never give in, never ever give in..
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Re: The funny corner

Postby daib0 » 17 Jan 2019, 23:28

I've been told that my grammar is very poor but I don't believe them. Only last week she gave me £20
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Re: The funny corner

Postby daib0 » 19 Jan 2019, 14:36

Funny ... but true!!


Pete O'Rourke @SportsPeteO

Fulham manager Claudio Ranieri has revealed defender Alfie Mawson injured himself while putting on his boots. #FFC
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Re: The funny corner

Postby daib0 » 22 Jan 2019, 18:12

I'm organising a party for people who can't reach an orgasm, so if you can't come let me know ...
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Re: The funny corner

Postby blackpool white » 22 Jan 2019, 21:35

leeds fan is spotted at the top of this hill in scumchester by 100 scum fans.

tell you what said the scum lets go beat him up, so they sent 10 of their number up t'hill

an hour goes by and none of them return....a bit puzzled they then sent another 20 to finish him off.......but an hour later they failed to come back too.

right said one of them, lets send 50 more.....finally after 2 hours just one of them came back all battered and bruised.

whats up said the rest.....oh groaned the scum fan





it was an ambush......there were 2 of them
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Re: The funny corner

Postby johnh » 25 Jan 2019, 21:09

The staff at our local Tesco's must be poor quality. I used the self-scan and won employee of the month. :thumbup:
The ex-Prime Minister has been in our house.
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