The funny corner

The place to discuss anything that isn't football or LUFC

Re: The funny corner

Postby Davycc » 31 Jul 2019, 21:54

A woman playing golf drives off from the tee and hits a man with her golf ball.

He put his hands between his legs, fell to the ground and rolled around in agony.

She rushed over to him and offered to relieve his pain stating she was a qualified Doctor. Reluctantly he agrees.

She gently takes his hands away and unzips his trousers. She puts her hands inside and gently massages him for a few minutes.

"How does that feel?" she asks.

He replies.

"It feels amazing, but I still think my thumb is broken!"
This is what makes you champions, you never give in, never ever give in..
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Re: The funny corner

Postby NottinghamWhite » 02 Aug 2019, 13:05

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Re: The funny corner

Postby ChilwellWhite » 05 Aug 2019, 16:53

Got mugged by six dwarves last night.


Not happy.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby rigger » 05 Aug 2019, 17:01

ChilwellWhite wrote:Got mugged by six dwarves last night.


Not happy.



:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:
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Re: The funny corner

Postby CorkWhite » 06 Aug 2019, 01:21

ChilwellWhite wrote:Got mugged by six dwarves last night.


Not happy.

Your face must have been Snow White after that happening to you? :D
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Re: The funny corner

Postby NottinghamWhite » 07 Aug 2019, 09:53

My favourite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle.

Funny name but she tortoise well.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby johnh » 07 Aug 2019, 18:25

Ventriloquist doing a show in Essex. He is in to his routine cracking jokes about blonde women when a blonde woman stands up and starts shouting about how it disrespects blonde women and they shouldn't be mocked due to the colour of their hair. The ventriloquist starts to apologise but the blonde woman interrupts him saying 'I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to that little sh*t on your knee'.
The ex-Prime Minister has been in our house.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby NottinghamWhite » 11 Aug 2019, 10:59

Husband:
My wife is missing.
She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant:
Color of hair?

Husband:
Changes a couple times a year.
Maybe dark brown now.
I can’t remember.

Sergeant:
What was she wearing?

Husband:
Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant:
What kind of car did she go in?

Husband:
She went in my Jeep.

Sergeant:
What kind of Jeep was it?

Husband: (sobbing)
It's a 2010 Rubicon with Sprintex Supercharger with Intercooler, DiabloSport T-1000 Trinity Programmer, Teraflex Falcon 3.3 Shocks ,1350 RE Reel Drive Shafts, Method 105 Bead Locks, Toyo 37" X 13.5" Tires, Custom Olympic Off Road Front Bumper, Olympic Off Road Smuggler Rear Bumper with tire carrier, Seward Radius 4s LED Light, Seward 12" LED Light bar, 50" LED Light bar with, sPod LED switch pod with Boost gage,, Rigid LED Lights, 15# Power Tank, Rock Hard Cage, Rock Hard Under Armor, Posion Spyder Sliders, Posion Spyder Crusher Fenders, Posion Spyder Evap Armor, Posion Spyder Extreme Duty Trans-Mount Cross Member, Bushwacker rear armor, 5.13 Gears, Magnum 44 Front Axle, Off Road Evolution "C" Gussets, Cobra 75 CB Radio, Warn 10K on Front and 8K Winch on Rear, Bartact Seat Covers, Delta Quad Bar Xenon Headlamps,Tantrum LED Offroad Rock Lights, Teraflex HD Tie Rod, Teraflex Falcon Steering Stabilizer, Teraflex Alpine Long Control Arms Front & Rear, Teraflex 4" springs, Teraflex JK Performance Slotted Big Rotor Kit, TeraFlex Monster HD Forged Front Adjustable Trackbar, Teraflex Front & Rear Brake Line Kit, Teraflex Bump Stops Front & Rear, Surprise Straps, Hothead Headliner, Teraflex D-44 Diff Covers, Wild Boar Grille, Rigid Ridge Hood, Drake Hood Latch's & a Tuffy Security Drawer......
(At this point, the sobbing has turned into a full cry.)

Sergeant:
Don't worry buddy. We'll find your Jeep.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby johnh » 11 Aug 2019, 14:11

Spotted this on another website.

If you were surprised about the suicide of Jeffrey Epstein, imagine how surprised he was.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby Davycc » 13 Aug 2019, 17:13

I just had a weird dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram...

I was like, 0mg!
This is what makes you champions, you never give in, never ever give in..
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