The funny corner

The place to discuss anything that isn't football or LUFC

Re: The funny corner

Postby NottinghamWhite » 14 Aug 2019, 07:53

My mates wife crashed her car yesterday. She told the police that the man she collided with was on his mobile phone and drinking beer from a can at the time. The police said that the gentleman is entitled to do whatever he wants in his own garden.
User avatar
NottinghamWhite
LUFCTALK Admin
 
Posts: 23677
Joined: 11 Nov 2009, 10:10

Re: The funny corner

Postby ChilwellWhite » 14 Aug 2019, 09:48

Stolen the above.
User avatar
ChilwellWhite
Dick Ray's Talent Spotter
 
Posts: 1843
Joined: 29 Dec 2014, 18:12

Re: The funny corner

Postby kk_white » 14 Aug 2019, 10:27

Davycc wrote:I just had a weird dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram...

I was like, 0mg!

Ha. Love geeky jokes. Reminds me of the oldie but geeky:

Einstein, Pascal and Newton are playing hide and seek. Einstein covers his eyes and begins counting. While Pascal runs off and hides, Newton takes out some chalk and marks a square on the ground with a side length of exactly 1 meter, then sits down inside the square.
When Einstein is finished counting and sees Newton sitting on the ground, he yells, "Ha, I've found you, Newton!". Newton replies, "No you haven't! You've found Pascal! :D :ugeek:
User avatar
kk_white
Dick Ray's Talent Spotter
 
Posts: 1929
Joined: 12 Aug 2009, 14:23
Location: Galway

Re: The funny corner

Postby White Knight » 23 Aug 2019, 21:24

I can’t believe I got fired on my first day at the bank,. A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
White Knight
Jimmy Armfield's cardigan knitter
 
Posts: 1065
Joined: 01 Aug 2015, 22:37

Re: The funny corner

Postby johnh » 28 Aug 2019, 09:15

Her indoors asked for a little peace and quiet while she was cooking, so I took the batteries out of the smoke detector.
The ex-Prime Minister has been in our house.
User avatar
johnh
Don Revie's bingo caller
 
Posts: 6376
Joined: 24 Jan 2012, 15:26

Re: The funny corner

Postby Davycc » 28 Aug 2019, 23:16

Warning adult content

So wont paste direct link

https://youtu.be/_mZB94YTClo
This is what makes you champions, you never give in, never ever give in..
User avatar
Davycc
Bielsa's English Teacher
 
Posts: 9477
Joined: 03 Aug 2011, 18:09
Location: Wet West Britain

Re: The funny corner

Postby yorkfan » 02 Sep 2019, 19:54

A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him.

He floored it to 140 , then 150, … then 155, … Suddenly he thought, “I’m too old for this nonsense !”

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, “Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I’m taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I’ve never heard before, why you were speeding… I’ll let you go.”

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- “Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back.” !!!

The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir "…
User avatar
yorkfan
Paul Heckingbottom's career advisor
 
Posts: 199
Joined: 13 Jul 2015, 14:26

Re: The funny corner

Postby daib0 » 06 Sep 2019, 10:42

"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

No sun.
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum
User avatar
daib0
Dick Ray's Talent Spotter
 
Posts: 1820
Joined: 20 Nov 2011, 19:04
Location: Spain-England

Re: The funny corner

Postby daib0 » 06 Sep 2019, 12:57

Young boy: "Dad, what fun does a priest have?"
Father: "nun...."
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum
User avatar
daib0
Dick Ray's Talent Spotter
 
Posts: 1820
Joined: 20 Nov 2011, 19:04
Location: Spain-England

Previous

Return to General

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests