LUFCTALK

I saw a movie about how ships are put together. It was riveting.

I get home from work, Wife says "Dinner ready in half hour, I forgot to pick up my medication slip down to the pharmacy for me". "OK" I say.
I pick up the medication and drop in the pub next door for a quick pint. Beautiful girl at the bar, we start chatting, one thing leads to another and we're back in her flat. I look at the clock, hell it's 3 am. I jump out of bed "Got to go". Walking home it's raining and I get wet and muddy.Wife's waiting for me, "Where have you been?" I come clean and tell her the whole story about the girl. She says "You lying rat, you've been fishing again".

Saxon wrote:I get home from work, Wife says "Dinner ready in half hour, I forgot to pick up my medication slip down to the pharmacy for me". "OK" I say.
I pick up the medication and drop in the pub next door for a quick pint. Beautiful girl at the bar, we start chatting, one thing leads to another and we're back in her flat. I look at the clock, hell it's 3 am. I jump out of bed "Got to go". Walking home it's raining and I get wet and muddy.Wife's waiting for me, "Where have you been?" I come clean and tell her the whole story about the girl. She says "You lying rat, you've been fishing again".

CorkWhite wrote:

Saxon wrote:I get home from work, Wife says "Dinner ready in half hour, I forgot to pick up my medication slip down to the pharmacy for me". "OK" I say.
I pick up the medication and drop in the pub next door for a quick pint. Beautiful girl at the bar, we start chatting, one thing leads to another and we're back in her flat. I look at the clock, hell it's 3 am. I jump out of bed "Got to go". Walking home it's raining and I get wet and muddy.Wife's waiting for me, "Where have you been?" I come clean and tell her the whole story about the girl. She says "You lying rat, you've been fishing again".

My excuse every time honest gov!

Aces wrote:Told the wife today,

"My new job is having sex live on stage."

She said, "Are you having me on?"



I replied, "I'll ask, but so far they've all been thin & pretty!"

One from our joke book lol https://www.amazon.co.uk/Funny-Corner-b ... 709&sr=8-1

Geordie woman walks into her local hairdressers and says “Can you give us a perm?”

The hairdressers says “Sure luv. Ahh wundad lernly as a clood…”

My 4 year old son has been learning Spanish at school and he still hasn’t learnt the word for please ............. I think that is poor for four.

Great tweet from the Wigan Warriors.

https://twitter.com/WiganWarriorsRL/sta ... 95461?s=19

Scottish lad with his dog, no money but goes in the pub in Glasgow to try and get a drink. Says to the Landlord 'if I can get my dog to speak and answer a sporting question, will you give me a free drink'. The Landlord agrees and asks the dog 'who played in goal for Scotland in the Mexico World Cup?' The dog says 'Ruff'. The Landlord says 'every dog would say that' and throws them out. Sat on the pavement the dog turned to the lad and said 'was it Jim Leighton?'

*A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.*
*The batteries were given out free of charge.*
*A dentist and a manicurist married. -They fought tooth and nail.*
*A will is a dead giveaway.*
*A boiled egg is hard to beat.*
*Police were called to the day care centre, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.*
*Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off ? He's all right now.*
*A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.*
*The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully re-covered.*
*He had a photographic memory which was never developed.*
*When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.*
*Acupuncture is a job well done. That's the point of it.*
*When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.*
*With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress*
*When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall*
*When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds*
*Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.*
*The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.*
*The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large*
*The professor discovered that his theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground*
*If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory*
* A backward poet writes inverse.*
*A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion*