The funny corner

The place to discuss anything that isn't football or LUFC

Re: The funny corner

Postby Saxon » 05 Dec 2020, 16:50

I went into a cafe and ordered a cup of tea.
The waiter brought it, but I saw he was carrying it with his thumb inside the cup.
"Hey man" I say,"That ain't cool, why is your thumb in the cup"?
"I got arthritis in my thumb, and the hot water helps with the pain a bit" he says.
"I'm not drinking that tea, I'm out of here", I say, "Go stick it up your azz'.
"That's what I do when I'm out back", he says.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby yorkfan » 10 Dec 2020, 11:28

Image



It’s CHRIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS!!!
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Re: The funny corner

Postby NottinghamWhite » 11 Dec 2020, 11:51

A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks
in and sits down at the table next to him.
He decides, because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an
off-duty stewardess.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying
the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto :
'To Fly. To Serve'.
The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto:
'Winning the hearts of the world'.
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on
her face.
Undeterred, he tries a third time, this time saying the Malaysian
Airlines motto:
'Going beyond expectations'.
The woman looks at him sternly and says:
'What the hell do you want?'
'Ah ha!' he says,
Ryan Air
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Re: The funny corner

Postby rigger » 11 Dec 2020, 13:49

I take it you changed the original "rhymes with heck" term to "hell" for the sake of this forum ? ;)
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Re: The funny corner

Postby NottinghamWhite » 11 Dec 2020, 14:08

rigger wrote:I take it you changed the original "rhymes with heck" term to "hell" for the sake of this forum ? ;)



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Re: The funny corner

Postby cheffy007 » 19 Dec 2020, 10:42

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band, I had to leave though, it was just one ting after another.
For homemade pickles, chutneys and tomato ketchup, go to www.stuckinapickle.co.uk
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Re: The funny corner

Postby Davycc » 23 Dec 2020, 13:58

Fella walks into a pub with a newt on his shoulder. "A pint for me and a glass of water for Tiny here!" he says.

The barman serves him what he asked for and the fella downs the pint in one go, "Another pint please but hold the water, Tiny isn't thirsty."
"OK." says the barman, "but why do you call him Tiny?

The fella replies, "because he's my newt!"
All at Amazon Books

The Funny Corner
When Santa Got Stuck Up The Chimney
The Thrones Murders
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Re: The funny corner

Postby Wigan White » 24 Dec 2020, 07:43

My friend Joe has put on quite a bit of weight recently so he decided to try the Dolly Parton diet.

It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby cheffy007 » 24 Dec 2020, 13:16

Breaking News. Cornwall has been plunged into Tier 5. Apparently a load of pirates have arrived back in Penzance and the Arr rate has skyrocketed.
For homemade pickles, chutneys and tomato ketchup, go to www.stuckinapickle.co.uk
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Re: The funny corner

Postby BrighouseWhite » 24 Dec 2020, 16:39

cheffy007 wrote:Breaking News. Cornwall has been plunged into Tier 5. Apparently a load of pirates have arrived back in Penzance and the Arr rate has skyrocketed.


Nicked this one :lol: :clap:
There's light at the end of the tunnel and the future's looking very bright indeed.
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