The funny corner

The place to discuss anything that isn't football or LUFC

Re: The funny corner

Postby LAsouthcoast » 25 Nov 2019, 18:22

A man comes home early from work and catches his mate in bed with his wife, so he grabs a knife, stabs and kills his mate, his wife then says if you keep on doing that you will have no mates left.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby Viduka Hits The Mark » 26 Nov 2019, 10:20

I have just put my order in for a new Kitchen Sink, No not at B&Q. My local Labour party headquarters. :D
"Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Forrest Gump.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby rigger » 26 Nov 2019, 10:21

I didn't think either of those were funny, especially Vid's :eh:
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Re: The funny corner

Postby johnh » 26 Nov 2019, 13:00

rigger wrote:I didn't think either of those were funny, especially Vid's :eh:



I didn't 'get' it? :shock:
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Re: The funny corner

Postby Viduka Hits The Mark » 26 Nov 2019, 22:11

johnh wrote:
rigger wrote:I didn't think either of those were funny, especially Vid's :eh:



I didn't 'get' it? :shock:


Reading it back, neither do i. :D
"Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Forrest Gump.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby NottinghamWhite » 01 Dec 2019, 13:07

A young ventriloquist touring Norway puts on a show in a small fishing town...





With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands up and starts shouting,



"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes...







What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way?



What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?

It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work

and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people.

It’s people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb!





You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes,



but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!"





The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde interrupts yelling,









"You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little *** on your knee!
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Re: The funny corner

Postby NottinghamWhite » 03 Dec 2019, 15:12

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed and says: "Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you."
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike... Mike..."
"Who is it?" Asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Mike. It's me, Joe..."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe." insists the voice.
"Joe! Where are you?"
"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"'Tell me the good news first," says Mike.
"The good news," Joe says, "is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."
"'That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what could possibly be the bad news? "
"You're in the team for Saturday."
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Re: The funny corner

Postby NottinghamWhite » 04 Dec 2019, 17:26

I’ve just sold my favourite homing pigeon on eBay for the 22nd time.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby johnh » 06 Dec 2019, 11:07

Nearly got knocked down by a Council gritting lorry. Swore at him through gritted teeth.
I once played against Don Revie.
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Re: The funny corner

Postby johnh » 07 Dec 2019, 16:58

If you know any lonely people who have no friends and will be spending Christmas alone, can you let me know as I need to borrow some chairs.

(Pinched from another website)
(My excuse)
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