LUFCTALK

I was once asked what the minimum amount of ink you could have on a page was

Real Madrid celebrate signing Bale with an oversized game of Operation

RIP

H from Steps.

Oh! and Pecky

A true event.

Picture the scene. A crowded Court Room being ruled over by a Judge whom over the years had several run ins with a particular court usher. This usher who was retiring the following day was serving his last day in the said Judges courtroom. The Judge was hearing a case where a man had been arrested for using foul and abusive language directed at a Police Constable mainly using the word "fucker" when confronting the Officer. The Judge threw the Constables case out stating that the word "fucker" could not be construed as being either foul or abusive as it is now used frequently in every day life. The Court was adjourned for 10 minutes and when the Judge returned The usher called out "please all stand for the fucker wearing the wig" Wasn't really a lot the Judge could do..........

I read something the other day which amused me. Mike and Bernie Winters were once playing the Glasgow Empire. Bernie went on first, on his own, to do a five minute 'warm up'. After five minutes, Mike joined him on stage, a heckler shouted out 'my God, there's two of them'.

One for the ladies on the forum.

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal.. When he enters a roomeveryone says 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?" She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips and the face of an Angel.

When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

A beautiful, voluptuous blonde haired woman went to a gynecologist.
The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window.
He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.
Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That is right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."
"Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she said. "You're catching herpes;
Because thats why I came here to see you in the first place."

Coming to a Tesco store near you