Astute & Funny 1-liners to get you thinking!

[daib0]

Here goes -



Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?

Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?

When you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

“Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.”

Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, which side would it fall on?

Why do they sterilise the needles for lethal injections?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE.

What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

Why do you have to “put your two cents in”, but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?

Why isn’t there mouse favoured cat food? There is fish flavoured!

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Jury: 12 people who determine which client has the better lawyer

Look busy – God’s coming

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now

Laugh alone and people cross the street to avoid you

Eschew obfuscation

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?

What disease did cured ham originally have?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

It’s not hard to meet expenses; they’re everywhere

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why be difficult when, with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself

Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?

OK… so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs”, what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If lawyers are disbarred & clergymen defrocked, should electricians be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed & dry cleaners depressed?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Adults are just kids who owe money

Give me ambiguity or give me something else

I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

What’s another word for thesaurus?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

[Sniffer]

Here goes -



Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours? New born babies have very small stomachs and therefore wake repeatedly from hunger. After a few months, as they have grown, they will sleep through the night. This is where the phrase comes from. Also the sleep of innocence and sobriety.

Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural? Both are contractions of the original word and so the question, like so many in this list, is meaningless.

Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking? That depends if you're doing anything else whilst you're reading, surely.

When you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn? Smurfs are fictional characters so t q i m,

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes? Following that principle they would be called Holls. Of course Holland isn't the name of the country so t q i m.

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? No.

Wait... Is this a quiz or not?