LUFCTALK

My Dad told me that during the Second World War my Grandad saved 600 men in his regiment...

He shot the cook!

I was stood outside B & Q and a friend called and asked how big the queue was.

Same size as the B, I said

Wigan White wrote:I was stood outside B & Q and a friend called and asked how big the queue was.

Same size as the B, I said

I called into B&Q yesterday as well. Fella with an orange apron on asked me if I wanted decking. Luckily I got the first punch in.

Posted on another website. A photo of Amir Kahn getting his Covid jab. Someone had posted 'surprised this didn't knock you out like so many other jabs'.

Learn something new every day..

1. In the 1400s a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb.'

2. Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...
Ladies Forbidden'... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

3. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David,
Hearts - Charlemagne,
Clubs -Alexander the Great,
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

4. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'

5. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.
Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

6. At the start of every football season since 1962, Spurs fans have said they are going to win the league, hence the phrase ‘deluded tまたな’.

The End.

Just phoned the wife to ask if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on my way home, but she just grunted at me.


I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

An elderly married couple were on a walk.
"See that fence? That's where we first had sex."
Wife; "Go on then, for old times sake."
After an hour of frantic sex, the wife, exhausted, pants;
"Don't recall it ever being that energetic!"
Him; "The fence wasn't electrified then."

NottinghamWhite wrote:An elderly married couple were on a walk.
"See that fence? That's where we first had sex."
Wife; "Go on then, for old times sake."
After an hour of frantic sex, the wife, exhausted, pants;
"Don't recall it ever being that energetic!"
Him; "The fence wasn't electrified then."

Stolen.

There's a Specsavers, a Boots and a Greggs where I live .
Yes it's all specs, drugs and sausage rolls !

Its been an odd day today. First, I found a hat full of money, then I got chased by a guy with a guitar.