LUFCTALK

Tottenham Hotspur have turned down a multi-million pound sponsorship deal from a dog food company. Their spokesman says that having 'Winalot' on their shirts is taking the proverbial.

My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with TV police dramas.

For the benefit of the tape, she has just left the room.

NottinghamWhite wrote:My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with TV police dramas.

For the benefit of the tape, she has just left the room.

My wife is leaving me because of my addiction to newsreaders. But more on that story later.

I was waiting outside B&Q and my friend called and asked how big the queue was...

I said, "The same size as the B!"

Just come from Tescos and saw a guy buying 4 cases of San Miguel, 5 paellas and 3 sombreros.

I thought Hispanic buying

My dad is always complaining about the cost of things. "£1.50 for a coffee! £3.75 for a ham sandwich! 20p to just to go to the loo!"
Honestly, he was moaning about it all of yesterday, so that's the last time I invite him over to my house!

Lance is an uncommon name these days, however in medieval times people were named Lance a lot.

Went on my bike to the off licence for a bottle of Whiskey.

Put it in the basket at the front of the bike then thought if I fell off on the way home it would break and I'd lose it all.
Hence I decided to drink it all there and then.

Good job I did because I fell off seven times.

Pinched that!

Just at the airport with my wife, I said "I wish I’d brought the coffee table with us."

"Why is that?" she asked...

"The passports are on it..."